Spilling My Guts

There has been something I have been wanting to blog about but haven't been able to, but after last night...I'm just frustrated. I know how this post is going to make me sound: evil, bitchy and heartless. But please just bare with me.

We are going to Ohio in a a few weeks to see Danny's 5 year old son, Kaleb. I'm excited to go, we had fun when we went up for Thanksgiving. We did all sorts of things with him, took him to see Santa, to a movie...lots of stuff.

Ever since since then we have been talking about having Kaleb for the summer. Danny's ex didn't think he would be able to stay the whole summer (at five, really..I couldn't do anything without my Mom!) Then she had the idea that she would come down here, stay with Kaleb during the day and Danny could have him during the nights. I don't think this is how joint custody works...but maybe that's just me!

Danny kept talking to me about it, I kept getting nervous. The whole summer...me and a five year old? Danny's at work. What am I going to do with a five year old? My goal was to have a job this summer, so who would watch him? A babysitter, right? Well, whenever money is brought up...I freak out. So I thought I could stay home with Kaleb and...hangout? Well, again...money. I have no problem sitting in the house, no air, no tv. I find things to do. But I have a feeling a five year old is going to want to watch his shows...and not sweat his little butt off!

One night I brought these things up with Danny. I'm sure it made it sound like I didn't want Kaleb here, but really...I was just expressing my worries. And he understood some of it. Mostly the issue of me being with him all day, Danny working early in the morning to who knows when at night...and only having weekends with Kaleb....and me.

It was decided that two weeks would be good. I can fit a lot of fun stuff into two weeks. I can bake with him, arts and crafts, baseball games, beach. Danny wants to go fishing. Fun stuff! I was actually starting to get excited about it. I say I don't like kids, but really...I like to spoil them.

Danny and his ex don't talk much, if the phone rings it's Kaleb on the other end...and when Danny calls him she gives the phone right to him. But obviously they had to talk about arrangements. One night last week they started to make a plan. We would go up there for the weekend and bring him back here for two weeks, they would meet half way after the two weeks. Of course she says "you're backing out." And then texts him "I don't have a car, I can't meet you half way." (who has three kids and no car? Yes, I don't drive but if I had kids I sure as hell would have a car!)

Kaleb calls everyday to find out how much longer it will be until his Daddy is up there. The number keeps keeping smaller, and the calls are getting more frequent...and the questions are getting more annoying.

Me and Danny are old. And by old I mean, we go to bed at 9:30 and have no problem with that. Last night just as I was falling asleep the phone rang. I could hear his little voice on the phone wanting to know how many days, and then I couldn't  make out the questions anymore. When Danny hung up I asked what he was saying. He said "I'm not really sure, all I could hear was his mother in the back telling him what to say."

The question that got to me? "Who's going to babysit him?"

If I was a mother, I'm sure this wouldn't bother me. But let's do a simple evaluation here: Danny is in the Marines, he will have to work. Danny is married. Danny's wife doesn't have a job. Hm...let's see...who do YOU think is going to babysit?  

I know what she is doing. She wants Danny to say it's me. Then she can say "I'm not comfortable with that." Giving Danny no other choice to NOT take Kaleb back with us...she will then tell Kaleb that it's because Daddy doesn't want to take him. She's crazy, I can think crazy...I know what she is doing.

I think it's hard for me to express how I really feel about all of it. I always knew about Kaleb, Danny never hid the fact that he was a Daddy from me. But I think I was naive about it. I knew somewhere down the line we would have him for weekends, summers..whatever. But three months into being married, our first married summer together...I didn't have that planned. It worries me, makes me anxious...and makes me feel like such a bitch. What's making it a little harder for me is Miley. I get so frustrated with Miley. What's it going to be like with Kaleb? With both of them here?